“With thanks to Writers’ HQ, my supreme writing commander, glorious leader and excellent but tiny overlord, who has verily granted me permission to use their splendid and savvy Privacy Policy.”

Wow has anyone ever read one of these?

I have to have one of these dealios to explain how I comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’re not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.

Also, I don’t really know what these things are. I’m just a proofreader who thought I’d have a laugh and get other people reading and laughing with me.

The best bit about the GDPR is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, people, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see.

So. Here we go…

I’m a tiny, overstretched proofer and I don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that I’m not evil – I’m as corruptible as anyone – I’m just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.

I collect and store the info I need to provide you with the service you request from me, like proofreading your books.  That’s really it.

Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes, I use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want my delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to me when nothing does what it’s supposed to.[/accordion]   

Look, I’m following you, ok? I use Google Analytics, primarily to stare at the real-time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people are looking at so I can post more of the stuff you like.

None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that I’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All I see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with me by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing my stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE READING.  

DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal eff-tonne of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. I store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?

Here on this website! If you contact me on this site I will store your name and email address. I don’t sell anything, I’m just a proofreader who does not accept payment on this website, so your payment details ARE NOT held here. I obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only two people have access to it. Only one of them ever actually looks at it and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have.

I’ll be honest: I do absolutely nothing unsurprising or radical with your info. 

FINE EFF OFF THEN I DON’T CARE. If you want to go undercover, just chuck me an email at admin@fairyproofmother.com and I’ll delete all the info I have on you from my systems while having a passive-aggressive huff about what I could have possibly done wrong.

Got it? Read it? Done it? WELL EFFING DONE YOU! Celebrate your achievement with a gold star.

Changes to this Privacy Policy

I reserve the right to make changes to this Privacy Policy. The last modification was made on May 1, 2024.